brought to you by Michael
msf2z@maxwell.acc.virginia.edu
"I hate quotations."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I
buy food."
- Erasmus
"These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but *minds* alive on the
shelves."
- Gilbert Highet
"Whenever a thing is done for the first time, it releases a little demon."
- Dave Sim
"You can fool some of the people all of the time - *those* are the suckers
we're looking for."
- A. E. Neuman
"I'm no kin to the ape
The ape's no kin to me
I don't know about your ancestors
But mine didn't swing from a tree."
- The Jerry Falwell Album
"If Stalin ever told me to urinate, I'm not sure I'd be able to."
- Phil Donahue
"Vikings? There ain't no vikings here. Just us honest farmers. The town
was burning, the villagers were dead. They didn't need those sheep anyway.
That's our story and we're sticking to it."
- Dan Sorenson
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of
those people I had to kill because they pissed me off."
- Jack Brown
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggy...' until you can find a rock."
- anon.
"Always keep your clothes and your weapons where you can find them in the dark."
- R. A. Heinlein
"The meek shall inherit the Earth... the rest of us are going to the stars."
- anon.
"When you feel terrific, notify your face."
- Farid
"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future
of the human race."
- H.G. Wells
"My God - this place is beautiful. You people live in Paradise."
- Mikhail Gorbachev, upon arriving at the University of Virginia
"I'm not fucked up, but I play one on TV."
- Charles Cabell Shields, Chugathon '93
"I hear tell all my good buddies'll be there: Dick, Peter, Rod, Johnson...
even good ole' John Thomas!"
- C.C. Shields
"More debauchery!"
- A.J. Moore, Pep Band rallying cry
"Well, still it's been a good night of drinkin' so good night and God bless."
- Ben-jammin' Rothman
"They pulled me face up off the floor and said, `Now who be you?'
I'm Paddy O'Reily O'Shwartzenburg, the drunken Irish Jew"
- SNL Irish Drinking Song
"The church is near, but the way is icy,
The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully."
- Ukranian Proverb
"I'm your huckleberry."
- Doc Holliday, _Tombstone_
"May the curse of Mary Murphy and her nine blind illegitimate children
chase you so far over the hills of Hell that God himself couldn't find you
with a radio telescope."
- Irish curse
"Life's short. Fuck off."
"Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's Disease. How could you not see that coming?"
- Dennis Leary
"I love these people who win a couple of grammy awards and think they can
tell me how to vote, and how to save the environment. Like REM: 'Shiny,
happy people....' Just pull that bus over to the side of the
Pretentiousness Turnpike, pal! I want everybody off the bus! I want the
shiny people over here, and the happy people over here, okay?!? I
represent angry, gun-toting, meat-eating fucking people, alright?!?"
- ibid
"'I'm not haappy. I'm not haappy. My life didn't turn out like I waanted
it....' ***WELCOME TO THE FUCKING CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!*** NOBODY'S happy!
Happiness comes in small doses, alright? It's a cigarette, a chocolate
chip cookie, a 5-second orgasm. You eat the cookie, you have the orgasm,
you smoke the cigarette, you fall asleep you wake up in the morning and you
go to fucking work, alright?!?"
- ibid
"These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."
- Groucho Marx
"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."
- anon.
"He'd turn over his mommy, his daddy, his two-panty granny, and the
goddamned King of Siam, if they had anything on him."
"You can bring in the state militia, the LA Thunderbirds, the ghost of
Steve fucking McQueen, and 10 fucking Roman Gladiators, for all we care, we
just want credit for the bust."
- Chris Penn & Tom Sizemore, _True Romance_
"See, I'm sittin' here, ready to NEGOTIATE. But you've already given your
shit away. I'm still a MYSTERY to you. But I know exactly where your
white ass is coming from. If I tell you to get something to eat, and you
sit down, start chowin' down on an eggroll and watchin' my fuckin'
television, I think 'This cat ain't got a care in the world.' And who
knows...? MAYBE YOU DON'T. Maybe you're such a BAD motherfucker, you
don't HAVE to worry 'bout nothin'."
- Drexel, _True Romance_
"I tagged a coupla' cops back there. You kill anybody?"
"A few cops."
"No real people?"
"Just cops."
- Mr. Pink & Mr. White, _Reservoir Dogs_
"Years ago it meant something to be crazy, now everybody's crazy."
- Charles Manson
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the
winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've
got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of,
babies: 'Goddammit, you've got to be kind.'"
- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., _God Bless You Mr. Rosewater_
"Life is too important to be taken seriously."
- Oscar Wilde
"Dreams are real while they last. Can we say more of life?"
- Havelock Ellis
"This is the true nature of home - it is the place of Peace; the shelter,
not only from injury, but from all terror, doubt and division."
- John Ruskin
"For a human being, sadness is as powerful as terror. Sadness makes a
warrior shed tears of blood."
- Carlos Castaneda, _The Eagle's Gift_
When Henry David Thoreau was on his death bed a local Minister paid a
visit. He asked Thoreau if he would like to make his peace with God.
Thoreau replied, "I was not aware that we had ever quarrelled."
"If triangles had a God, he would have 3 sides."
- Montesquieu
"Your job is not to die for your country. Your job is to make the other
poor, dumb sonufabitch die for HIS country!"
- Gen. George Patton
"Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give the signal."
- Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed."
- ?
"One should respect public opinion insofar as it is necessary to avoid
starvation and keep out of prison, but anything beyond this is voluntary
submission to an unnecessary tyranny."
- Bertrand Russell
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher
a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts,
build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders,
cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure,
program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects."
- Robert Heinlein, _Time Enough for Love_
"Death is light as a feather, duty is heavy as a mountain."
- Robert Jordan
"The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth."
- traditional
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which
we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think
we cannot."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
"When you get to the fork in the road, take it."
- Yogi Berra
"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good,
you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
- Howard Aiken
"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
shoulders of giants."
- Isaac Newton
"In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side
with the giants on whose shoulders we stand."
- Gerald Holton
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing
on my shoulders."
- Hal Abelson
"Eat cheese or die."
- suggested slogan for the Wisconsin license plate
"How much more black can it be? The answer is none - none more black."
- Nigel Tufnel, _This Is Spinal Tap_
"For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with
warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles,
blow-dry on roofrack."
- laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)
"If one falls on you, we just carve your name on it and leave it there..."
- ???
"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong."
- Wolfgang Pauli
"You can't drain the swamp when you're up to your ass in alligators."
- Ron Dippold
"I don't want the cheese, I just want to get out of the trap."
- Spanish proverb
"There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and
all other occupations should be open to everyone."
- Gloria Steinem
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."
- ?
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that
you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied,
"That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your
mistress."
"He who has achieved supreme enlightenment is like an arrow flying straight
to hell."
- Zen Roshi saying
"The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards."
- Alexander Jablokov, _The Place of No Shadows_
"Nobody's perfect. There was one guy - but we killed him."
- anon.
"1935 will go down in History! For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration! Our streets will be safer, our police more
efficient and the world will follow our lead to the future!"
- Adolf Hitler prior to confiscating all civilian firearms.
"No free man shall ever be de-barred the use of arms. The strongest
reason for the people to retain their right to keep and bear arms is
as a last resort to protect themselves against tyranny in government."
- Th. Jefferson
"It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once."
- David Hume
"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of
zeal, well meaning but without understanding."
- Justice Louis Brandeis
"The authoritarianism of one man is a crime and the authoritarianism of
many men is the State."
- Hagbard Celine, _Never Whistle While You're Pissing_
"The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions
that I wish it to be always kept alive."
- Th. Jefferson
"If this be treason, make the most of it!"
- Patrick Henry
"There is no alcohol in the Band room. But if there were, it would be in
that closet there, $4 all you can drink."
- Matt Bruce, Harvard Band
"Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart."
- Jesus Christ
"The blacksmith and the artist reflect it in their art
They forge their creativity - Closer to the Heart."
- Neil Peart
"There are only two great plays: _South Pacific_, and Get the Ball in the
Basket."
- some college basketball coach or other
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
Maybe, if they screamed all the time, and for no good reason."
- anon.
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."
- ibid
"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."
- cartoon in The New Yorker
"If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at
random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in
about... five minutes."
- H vard Fosseng
"The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it."
- John Gilmore
_____________________________________________________
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire
"Everything has been figured out except how to live."
- Jean-Paul Sartre
"No man is an Island, entire of it self; every man is a piece of the Continent,
a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as
well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And
therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee."
- John Donne (1571?-1631), Meditation XVII
"Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better."
- Edgar W. Howe
"A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all
humankind."
- Richard Dehmel
"Let us be true to one another."
- Mathew Arnold, _Dover Beach_
"Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each
man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility."
- ibid.
"Love comes from blindness, friendship from knowledge."
- Comte de Bussy-Rabutin
"Friendship is a disinterested commerce between equals; love, an abject
intercourse between tyrants and slaves."
- Oliver Goldsmith
"When she sees him, Holly says it's like the sunsets at the beach - once
the sun drops, the sand chills quickly. Then it's like a lot of times that
were good ten minutes ago and don't count now."
- Amy Hempel, _Reasons To Live_
"Because you have to believe that something will work. I don't, but you
have to."
- ibid
"Like a force of nature
Love can fade with the stars at dawn."
- N. Peart
"The only things we can't weld are the crack of dawn and a broken heart."
- seen on the door of a Navy ship's welding shop
"All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee and come to dust..."
- Wm. Shakespeare
"Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell."
- Emily Dickinson
"Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf"
- T. Amos, "Winter"
"Consider me gone."
- Sting
"She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for
wit."
- W. Somerset Maugham
May 6, 1994